Marriage's Purpose : Leave & Cleave

February 07, 2016


With our Pastor, he who gives us a wider understanding about
the leave and cleave principle

It's very hard when one always sees what you're doing and how you're doing things. It's even harder when your silence means being stubborn to them. It's getting complicated when words are being spoken harshly.
These are just few things that break my heart. Feeling lost and don't know what to do or think.

We are living with my parents. We are living to meet their expectations and we're covered by their standards. Our opportunities are always up front and we need to consider a lot of things before making a decision.

Those things greatly affect our marriage.
- I am pushing my hubby to be a man my parents would accept and be proud of
- I am planning for him so I could decide based on what they think is right, without knowing that I am killing my hubby's sense of self-worth
- We need to live similarly to them and if not, we will be wrong, incapable and worthless

As their daughter, of course I'm trying to do things that would make them proud. But then again, circumstances might change our priorities and our principles. They may be disappointed to me, but I am now trying to balance things. The way they looked on me, their dreams for me and the way they want my life to be are things that might be shifted on a lower priority. Why? I now have a man to share this venture, to share these dreams and a man that's one with me.



“Therefore a man shall LEAVE his father and mother and shall be joined (CLEAVE) to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

This is an idea from the Bible. This is an instruction. But then again, circumstances might come and change the original plans.
We have tried leaving independently before, but since we have decided to invest for our own house, we again live with our parents. At first, when my hubby's still working,  things are light. We do our tasks, they help us. Many were the arguments and fights that we have survived, because we're aware of our shortcomings as parents.
Now that we have two kids to raise, I know that we have to sacrifice for them. My hubby staying at home to look after the kids is one. Since my salary is bigger than what his agency's giving him, I need to work to provide. This greatly affected my parents. I know that by standard, it should be the man that provides, but by what our family needs, is it a sin to unfollow standards?

1. Leave
The idea of marriage is really detaching to your family. Although there are still blessings living with parents and/or in-laws, we can't avoid seeing each other's loopholes. This may lead to arguments, uncontained emotions, disappointments and even broken relationships.
This is normal (I guess). But we don't wanna compromise and give an impression of being stubborn, right?
If you're yet to leave, have in mind that you need a ton of patience, courage and understanding.

2. Cleave
Your relationship with your parents is temporary, while husband-and-wife relationship is permanent.
Even inside a marriage, a parent-child relationship takes over the husband-and-wife relationship, which shouldn't be.
Married couples are meant to be together and be one. Not to be overtaken even by parents. But of course, we need their guidance still.
Once living together (alone), you share the responsibilities, decide together, and fail together. You may have differences but those are tools to embrace and empower each other.
Remember, you and your spouse are partners for lifetime.

3. Become one
When you shared your vows, you know that you're walking the life together as a team, as different individuals with one goal.
As the main purpose of marriage is becoming one, we are the one responsible for each other and our fruits. Shared thoughts are welcome as guidance only but not necessarily a rule to follow.

Living together (alone) is rewarding as it:
- strengthens our marriage
-healthier and more prioritized relationship
- gives us a purpose
- teaches us to act and think more mature (because we don't depend on others)
- gives us a freedom, a lighter and clearer vision of family

We can't avoid that our parents or in-laws control over how we create our foundation as a family,but that again, should not be the case. They are there for support, help and guidance. They should not be the reason for broken relationships, misunderstandings and hatred. They are our kids "grand"parents. Their essentiality is different than that of us, parents.
Leave, cleave and becoming one is God's idea of marriage. Follow His ways (but with an open-mind, mature way).

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